Sweet, Sweet Nothing

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This year, when my family asks, what do you want for Mother’s Day? I can truthfully answer “nothing” because…

The fact that my living room furniture does not include plastic anything

The fact that you do your homework without me screaming my head off

The fact that you think crawling into bed with me is as bad an idea to you as it is to me

The fact that if you want to play outside I don’t have to go outside with you

The fact that none of the snacks in my house are squeezable

The fact that we can go to the movies and stay the whole time

The fact that no one has pooped their pants in a very long time

The fact that I can talk on the phone or pee and no one seems to care –

That’s my Mother’s Day.

The fact that when I serve something you don’t like, we can all honestly agree that nobody cares, and then you eat it anyway

The fact that I don’t know the cartoon line up on Nickelodeon

The fact that when we go shopping the only one who may end up crying is Daddy

The fact that the cashier at the McDonald’s drive thru does not know our names

The fact that I can go to the dentist or get my haircut and it doesn’t involve a neighbor, a teenager, or a family plan

The fact that on a Saturday or Sunday I can sleep till whenever I want

That’s my Mother’s Day.

The fact that you realize I am not interested in seeing what you built on Minecraft

The fact that your annual flu shot is not something either of us has to mentally prepare for

The fact that when you are tired, you go to bed

The fact that a stroll down the cereal aisle can no longer be equated with an extreme sport

The fact that I can wear white, or dangly earrings, or things that must be dry-cleaned

The fact that I don’t wipe your nose

The fact that you agree that bees should not cause the same level of alarm as, let’s just say, a pit viper

That’s my Mother’s Day.  

The fact that if I step in a pile of goo we can all comfortably blame the dog and our integrity will remain intact

The fact that I no longer have to hide the permanent markers

The fact that we drink out of actual glass

The fact that no one has brought pudding or other snacks into the toilet in more than one calendar year

The fact that I don’t have to sing silly songs to get you to perform basic hygiene

The fact that I can carry a small purse

That’s my Mother’s Day. 

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